I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's just like the Real World with babies
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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