The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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