READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
