he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
