they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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