We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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