That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
