I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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