Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
