after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
