i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
