I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
