ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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