Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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