I wanna bring you to show and tell
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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