his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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