Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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