I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
