Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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