We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
