Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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