booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize