I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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