I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
