It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
