I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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