dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
