At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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