So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
