The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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