i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i came on her dog
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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