i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
nutella sex= disaster
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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