Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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