He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
