To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Two words: nipple clamps
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