We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
