I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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