Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
