Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
