First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
