So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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