Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
