I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
