I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
