I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
