If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
