If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
