Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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