In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize
