Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
