I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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