there's paper in my vomit.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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