and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish they made helmets for livers.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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