ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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