My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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