She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
