when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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