So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
