watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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