Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
