I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize