Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
