I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
