Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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