Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
