It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
