I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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