Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
barbara walters just said penis...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
