Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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