question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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