My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
