No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
