It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
