dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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