the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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