Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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