Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
