He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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